An egg-xcellent victory

Today on Cooking with MoS, I intend to tell the tale of egg-breadroll-baconthings. I don’t actually have a name for them, since it’s not my recipe or idea. They are just yum. Feel free to suggest a suitable name. I’m still not sure why I add posts about cooking but I usually act like an idiot in the kitchen. This behaviour isn’t limited to the kitchen, it just showcases there occasionally. Which makes better post fodder.

I give credit where credit is due for this recipe, but I couldn’t find a suitable word for the person who’s ingenious idea this was. We’ll just call her ‘Ms Awesome’. This may get confusing as I am Chef Awesome as well, so perhaps we’ll go with something different. ‘Ms Amazing’? It’ll do.

Since I don’t have a suitable name for this, you can figure out what’s going on as I tell you about it. I know, egg-breadroll-baconthings does describe it a little, but I still need an air of mystery and suspense otherwise you’ll quit reading now. If you already hadn’t.

First thing you’ll need is some eggs. Chicken eggs are usually the best bet, then possibly other fowl. Lizard eggs may be a little hard to come by, and snakes eggs could be more trouble than they are worth. I won’t even get into using the nearest female’s eggs as I’m sure mentioning human organ harvesting may draw in the wrong crowd as search terms. Lucky it’s not too crowded with readers in here so this may be a good thing. Maybe. Right, so you have your chicken eggs. I’m going to assume you used chicken eggs, regardless. You’ll need… a few. Buy the 18 pack just to be sure. Or keep stockpiling your hens eggs for as long as it takes to aquire them. You don’t need 18 to be honest, but it never hurts to have extra. Plus, buy in bulk and save, right? Right.

This is a few too many eggs. A lot of eggs

A task force of 138 hens worked day and night to produce these fine eggs. Egg-cessive?

Now you want to beat your eggs. I’ll pause for innuendo here… and we’re back. Seriously don’t need a beater, just break them in the bowl… well don’t break them -in- the bowl since I assume you aren’t supposed to eat the shells and I’m not researching that to find out. You may get all fancy and break them and empty the egg into the bowl in one movement with one hand if you are capable. If you aren’t, you might as well try anyway. You’ll usually figure out of you have this talent fairly quickly. (Hint, if it takes you longer than 20 seconds and you still get shell in the bowl just use both hands.) I myself smash the egg against the bench. I also often forget that I just need to crack the shell and not the entire egg so have a cloth nearby as you may end up being too strong for your own good. I’m just too powerful for those. I don’t need weak eggs in my breakfast anyway! Stir/mix the eggs.

Strong eggs are better

Only the strongest eggs make it

Heat the pan. Add some oil. If oil is not available, bacon grease is a good alternative. Oh, if you are using bacon grease this is the step you make some bacon grease by either microwaving or frying up some bacon. If you aren’t, you’ll still need to do this anyway so just get it over and done with. Or do it later. No pressure.

As the pan is warming up and the bacon is cooking (or not cooking), you need to get your mini breadrolls and slice them neatly in half. Messily in half is usually how it turns out, but why would I tell you to slice them messily? Then, you dip the halves in the egg mixture and put them on the frying pan. By dip, I do mean soak/dip. Use your imagination. Flip when one side is cooked(ish).

If there are any insects flying around in the kitchen, designate yourself as the CHAMPION FLY KILLER and arm yourself. As I was handed a teatowel/washcloth and told to ‘get rid of that damn fly’, this instantly became my weapon. Utilize your surroundings. Know how to wield and use your weapon against the target. In my case, I flicked it as one would with a wet towel from halfway across the room. Its cunning/ignorant flight pattern caused my teatowel to hit the air immediately below it. A miss? No. This created a temporary vacuum, and as my teatowel retreated back to my hand, air rushed to fill the space. The air the fly was flying in. Cue downward spiral into the abyss (or behind the vaccuum cleaner.) Aha, round one to MoS.

Keep an eye on the cooking though. Or two usually works better. Until… a movement was spotted. THE FLY WAS BACK FOR MORE?! Oh here we go. This shit just got real. The fly then made the mistake of  landing. Tsk tsk. I stealthily crept forward, mindful of my shadow and movements so as not to alert the fly. Aaand… WHAM. One squashed fly and one Ms Amazing scared more than she ever would have been by that fly. She turned around to see what the commotion was about and I, in one dramatic move, uncovered the teatowel to reveal… the squashed fly.

Squashed fly on a teatowel

DIE INSECT DIE

Serve with bacon on top/between two halves. Mmm-mmm. Oh, that’s serve the breadroll-egg things with bacon, not the fly. Protein or not, the breadrolls taste better. Probably.

The finished product- eggs and bread cooked

I included a knife in this picture so it’d look more badass

They look better in real life, and also when someone other than me makes them. I even had supervisioncompany. As long as it tastes good, right? My knife (that I found in the kitchen) tells me I’m a good cook (it says it on the blade, I think it’s the brand but still might be etched there just for me), so that makes it true because you wouldn’t want to disagree with my knife, would you? Didn’t think so. Now that you’re feeling sufficiently threatened, go make some. Or don’t. More for me.

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11 Responses to An egg-xcellent victory

  1. Tim Rueb says:

    A great read, thanks for the post. Keep up the great work.

  2. Good flying killing to bacon-transition. You almost made me not want bacon for a second … but then the power of bacon once again trumped all.

  3. Cotton says:

    Well, at least your knife thinks so.

    So when will you guys be approaching winter? I loathe flies. LOATHE THEM. I’ll drop what I’m doing to escort just about any other insect or spider that finds it’s way into my house outside… But a fly? NEVER. Die sucker die. The lack of flies is the best thing about winter for me, you just reminded me that the reign of peace is almost over.

    Funny, even with your eggcellent directions, I still have no clue how to make egg-breadroll-baconthings. I feel so inept.

    Anyway, thank you, Chef Awesome, for linking up. Our readers’ lives are greatly benefited as a result.

    Speaking of greatly benefited as a result…

    Our man Reputation, is going to be posting on Wit this Tuesday. I wish I could tell you what the post is about, but he bet me that I couldn’t resist reading it until everyone else does. There’s a fancy title at stake, so no can do. I do get the feeling that solidarity sister will be needed. I’d invite you, but can never figure out the time difference. Does our Tuesday mean, Wednesday for you? Monday? September? Maybe you can figure it out. I give up.

    • Heh, it’s an art. I should probably be more direction-like, but that ruins my fun. So I won’t.

      Invitation accepted. Depending on where you are, my time is roughly 6-8 hours behind you, but one day forward. Go figure. Tuesday is likely to be Wednesday for me, so I will definitely be there when I can to check up. I have no idea what a solidarity sister is but sounds good. Rep and his bets, glad there’s something in it for you!

  4. Cotton says:

    PS) I don’t like hugs from strangers. You’re right, this blog is better!

  5. Gwen says:

    Wait a minute, I can’t comment until my belly stops jiggling and I clear the tears of laughter from my eyes.

    Okay, we are good. I never knew that you could batter them biscuits.Now that you mention it, never tried frying them either. Do you mind if I try it on my own? My knife says that I am a good cook too. Of course, I have broken many of the knives that came with it in the set, so they could be wrong. Either that, or my peeps have been busy using them for something other than what they were intended for….

    • Go for it! Let me know if it works out. You may also use my fly killing method. You’re welcome 😉

      I’d blame the peeps for the knives, how can a knife that compliments you be wrong?

  6. Gwen says:

    had to come back and let you know that we just tried these for dinner. Didn’t have bacon, so just sort of served them as funky smallish french toast. Yum!

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