Today on Cooking with MoS, I intend to tell the tale of egg-breadroll-baconthings. I don’t actually have a name for them, since it’s not my recipe or idea. They are just yum. Feel free to suggest a suitable name. I’m still not sure why I add posts about cooking but I usually act like an idiot in the kitchen. This behaviour isn’t limited to the kitchen, it just showcases there occasionally. Which makes better post fodder.
I give credit where credit is due for this recipe, but I couldn’t find a suitable word for the person who’s ingenious idea this was. We’ll just call her ‘Ms Awesome’. This may get confusing as I am Chef Awesome as well, so perhaps we’ll go with something different. ‘Ms Amazing’? It’ll do.
Since I don’t have a suitable name for this, you can figure out what’s going on as I tell you about it. I know, egg-breadroll-baconthings does describe it a little, but I still need an air of mystery and suspense otherwise you’ll quit reading now. If you already hadn’t.
First thing you’ll need is some eggs. Chicken eggs are usually the best bet, then possibly other fowl. Lizard eggs may be a little hard to come by, and snakes eggs could be more trouble than they are worth. I won’t even get into using the nearest female’s eggs as I’m sure mentioning human organ harvesting may draw in the wrong crowd as search terms. Lucky it’s not too crowded with readers in here so this may be a good thing. Maybe. Right, so you have your chicken eggs. I’m going to assume you used chicken eggs, regardless. You’ll need… a few. Buy the 18 pack just to be sure. Or keep stockpiling your hens eggs for as long as it takes to aquire them. You don’t need 18 to be honest, but it never hurts to have extra. Plus, buy in bulk and save, right? Right.
A task force of 138 hens worked day and night to produce these fine eggs. Egg-cessive?
Now you want to beat your eggs. I’ll pause for innuendo here… and we’re back. Seriously don’t need a beater, just break them in the bowl… well don’t break them -in- the bowl since I assume you aren’t supposed to eat the shells and I’m not researching that to find out. You may get all fancy and break them and empty the egg into the bowl in one movement with one hand if you are capable. If you aren’t, you might as well try anyway. You’ll usually figure out of you have this talent fairly quickly. (Hint, if it takes you longer than 20 seconds and you still get shell in the bowl just use both hands.) I myself smash the egg against the bench. I also often forget that I just need to crack the shell and not the entire egg so have a cloth nearby as you may end up being too strong for your own good. I’m just too powerful for those. I don’t need weak eggs in my breakfast anyway! Stir/mix the eggs.
Only the strongest eggs make it
Heat the pan. Add some oil. If oil is not available, bacon grease is a good alternative. Oh, if you are using bacon grease this is the step you make some bacon grease by either microwaving or frying up some bacon. If you aren’t, you’ll still need to do this anyway so just get it over and done with. Or do it later. No pressure.
As the pan is warming up and the bacon is cooking (or not cooking), you need to get your mini breadrolls and slice them neatly in half. Messily in half is usually how it turns out, but why would I tell you to slice them messily? Then, you dip the halves in the egg mixture and put them on the frying pan. By dip, I do mean soak/dip. Use your imagination. Flip when one side is cooked(ish).
If there are any insects flying around in the kitchen, designate yourself as the CHAMPION FLY KILLER and arm yourself. As I was handed a teatowel/washcloth and told to ‘get rid of that damn fly’, this instantly became my weapon. Utilize your surroundings. Know how to wield and use your weapon against the target. In my case, I flicked it as one would with a wet towel from halfway across the room. Its cunning/ignorant flight pattern caused my teatowel to hit the air immediately below it. A miss? No. This created a temporary vacuum, and as my teatowel retreated back to my hand, air rushed to fill the space. The air the fly was flying in. Cue downward spiral into the abyss (or behind the vaccuum cleaner.) Aha, round one to MoS.
Keep an eye on the cooking though. Or two usually works better. Until… a movement was spotted. THE FLY WAS BACK FOR MORE?! Oh here we go. This shit just got real. The fly then made the mistake of landing. Tsk tsk. I stealthily crept forward, mindful of my shadow and movements so as not to alert the fly. Aaand… WHAM. One squashed fly and one Ms Amazing scared more than she ever would have been by that fly. She turned around to see what the commotion was about and I, in one dramatic move, uncovered the teatowel to reveal… the squashed fly.
DIE INSECT DIE
Serve with bacon on top/between two halves. Mmm-mmm. Oh, that’s serve the breadroll-egg things with bacon, not the fly. Protein or not, the breadrolls taste better. Probably.
I included a knife in this picture so it’d look more badass
They look better in real life, and also when someone other than me makes them. I even had
supervisioncompany. As long as it tastes good, right? My knife (that I found in the kitchen) tells me I’m a good cook (it says it on the blade, I think it’s the brand but still might be etched there just for me), so that makes it true because you wouldn’t want to disagree with my knife, would you? Didn’t think so. Now that you’re feeling sufficiently threatened, go make some. Or don’t. More for me.