Dinner in my household recently was a ‘each person for themselves’, although there was rice already cooked and honey-soy chicken kebabs in the fridge. So basically a ‘cook your own damn kebabs you lazy gits’. Now, since I’m playing the role of Chef Awesome, here’s a handy household hint that you probably already know but are going to hear again.
Chef Awesome aka me.
MOS’s Kitchen Tip #23: Kebabs can be cooked in a flat sandwich press. Quickly.
Our resident sandwich press is tiring of its job and trying to force its way into retirement. Declaring myself ‘Master of the Sandwich press’, a bold move, I set out to cook mine first. Now, this sandwich press is like most others, it has a red power light, and a green light that lights up when its ‘hot enough’ (needless to say I don’t need such a light. Winkwink.). So, in an effort to feign incompetence, the sandwich press (we’ll call it SP from hereon in) immediately displays both lights and doesn’t heat up. But I am wise to SP’s tricks.
Commence the beating. Well, nearly. It’s a delicate art requiring strength and precision. Aka not-so-gently opening and closing the top plate, and/or lifting SP off the bench and dropping/slamming it down again. Who said violence against technology doesn’t work? SP gives up its ruse and we’re away. So mine cook fine, but I’m always paranoid about meat (insert dirty joke) so I zap mine for a minute in the microwave. I’m done, dinner (for me) is served.
It almost looked like this, but a little less Mafia style
Then the rest of the household has to cook theirs. They follow my route (knowing my elite kitchen skills apparently) and use the sandwich press. With great difficulty. In fact, the last person to try cook theirs was having so much difficulty calling SP out on his dastardly plots the I get called in to help. MoS to the rescue! Well, SP had decided that this time it was determined not to work another day in its life and was playing hardball. They’d already put their kebabs in the press and it’s getting beaten up and shaken and all the typical mob tactics. Then I come out with this.
“It’s like giving your kebabs a mammogram.”
Needless to say SP was forced into submission after the laughter stopped and the remaining kebabs were cooked. Might have been embarrassed. Have any troublesome appliances that need that special touch to work? Or require you to hum at a certain frequency? Tell me about them. Please. See, I asked nicely. It’d be rude not to now. Besides, if I can beat a sandwich press into submission…I probably can’t do the same for you but that should sound threatening enough even if I don’t mean it. Should. Anyhow. At least this time there were no fires/explosions/fiery explosions in the kitchen. This time.