NBA all the way

Howdy sportsfans!

Always wanted to greet people like that. So, I’ve been informed that the NBA season started last Tuesday.

YAHOO!

Is the sarcasm obvious enough to offend anyone interested in NBA yet? Nah, just messing. Nothing wrong with basketball.

So without any prior knowledge I am going to predict how this season will pan out. Hey, I googled the team list. And using my superior statistical analysis and intricate knowledge of how to look at their names and mascots, we’ll see how accurate I am.

Championship playoff:


lakers LA Lakers VS Chicago Bulls.bulls

Breakdown: LA Lakers will have a season plagued with media speculation, injuries and have a rough start. Chicago Bulls will lose more games in the season yet somehow pull through. The Lakers will win. Why? They’re the Lakers. They’re from LA. Of course they will win. They win all the time. (?) Chicago Bulls will put up a terrible fight and convince everyone that they were right in that it was a fluke that they made the finals. Wouldn’t  quite call it a steamroll, but for a Championship game it’s terrible. Terrible.

Bottom of the ladder:


pacersIndiana Pacers

Breakdown:

Paced themselves a little too much. /terrible overused? joke. No, because I decided their team name doesn’t sound like they’d win. And they are from Indiana.

Honourable mentions:


raptors Toronto Raptors.

Breakdown:

6th on the  Eastern ladder. They nearly convinced me they’d win. They have a -raptor- logo after all. But, they’re from Toronto. So, instant shove down a few rungs.

celticsBoston Celtics

Breakdown:

2nd on the Eastern ladder. Just missed out on the championship playoffs. Why? Controversial referee calls and injuries. They are the only team with a human(oid) in their logo, well, a cool looking one anyway. This factors in.



hornetsNew Orleans Hornets.

Breakdown:

5th in Western. That is one badass looking hornet. Minus points for lack of alliteration.

By now it should be obvious that I have no clue about anything in the NBA. Might attempt to go to my first game this year or next. We’ll see.

The eight that make the playoffs and their rank

Eastern Conference:

1.       Chicago Bulls

2.       Boston Celtics

3.       Cleveland Cavaliers

4.       Miami Heat

5.       Orlando Magic

6.       Toronto Raptors

7.       Detroit Pistons

8.       Charlotte Bobcats

(How many goddamn teams are there? I’m bored already.)

Western Conference

1.       LA Lakers

2.       Dallas Mavericks

3.       Phoenix Suns

4.       LA Clippers

5.       New Orleans Hornets

6.       Golden state warriors

7.       Houston Rockets

8.       Denver Nuggets

(Apparently there are 30. Ye Gods.)

———Playoff cutoff———

  • Atlanta Hawks.
  • New Jersey Nets
  • Washington Wizards
  • New York Knicks.
  • Milwaukee Bucks
  • San Antonio Spurs
  • Utah Jazz
  • Portland Trail Blazers
  • Sacramento Kings

(Oh damn, my random copy pasting means I’m missing five? and can’t be bothered to check which ones. We’ll just say they’re bottom 5 and don’t count. If I missed your favourite team then it looks like you’d better get a new one. Just kidding. Maybe. Hit me up in the comments and I’ll do a reshuffle. But not by much because this isn’t a science IT’S AN ART.)

The art of bullshit.

We’ll see how this compares to the final ladder.

Note: I haven’t looked up any playing statistics. I just looked up lists. And then looked up what conferences are.

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